Well, leading gender fascist "Monica" Helms has a new article on Bilerico. This time, Mr. Helms deals with the subject of "When Do You Tell?" Aside from the irony of his writing on the subject (Mr. Helms is not likely to have to worry about "telling.") he takes the predictable position.
Now, as I point out, he is not going to be in a position to worry about revealing anything, unless he does make the mistake of actually having SRS, in which case he would have to explain that he is missing the expected parts.
But, this is a question that does come up, and it does affect both those with HBS or classic transsexualism and those who are transgender.
Mr. Helms, again ironically, seems to be addressing post-op women. Mr. Helms is not remotely post-op, and until recently he was admantly non-op. He has, on many occasions, viciously attacked and mocked post-op women, so he is about the last person who should be discussing this issue, and certainly has no business making pronouncements as he does. Also, it should be kept in mind that Helms is not even interested in dating men himself. In fact, it is rather obvious that he is approaching this issue as a straight man.
Now, Mr. Helms raises a series of objections to not telling. The first is trust. Granted, that can be an issue. If one is in a relationship, it is better to be honest than to keep secrets. But, for a woman who was born with HBS, there are issues that they may not wish to share. Particularly at the beginning of the relationship, when Helms rather dogmatically demands that one must tell.
Beyond that, the issue turns to the "danger" Mr. Helms sees in not telling. Now, granted, people have died when their partner found out about their history. But, that is not always the case, and it is not always the case that someone will inevitably find out.
So, what is really going on here? Is Mr. Helms really just beside himself with concern for the safety of all those post-ops because even one might be harmed or die because they fail to be out to a potential partner? Is he broken up over the chance that some marriage might not be built on perfect trust?
I seriously doubt it. Mr. Helms almost certainly is more concerned that someone might actually be able to do the one thing he will never be able to do....actually be a woman. Not that Mr. Helms actually wants to be a woman. He wants to be transgender. He clings tightly to his maleness. He wears it with pride. He cannot abide for anyone to not know that he was born a man. But worse, he hates it when someone does not share this behavior. He gets beside himself at the idea that someone might wish to, or worse, be able to, leave their past behind.
He talks of shame, and hiding, and all the other transgender silliness.
As to the original question he asks...when should you tell? The answer, quite simply, is when you wish to. I have told none of the men I have dated and had sex with since my surgery. That was my choice. If one wishes to tell early, that is their choice. The only thing that is absolutely certain is this. When you tell is most certainly none of Mr. Helms. business.